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| Broken Vows |
Hello friends,
another day and I’m here with you again answering
another question as I promised. Today, the question is: “What is the biblical
perspective of Divorce?” I remember telling the brother that asked this
question on facebook that God condemns divorce in the strongest terms. He
clearly states without mincing words “I hate divorce!” (Mal 2:16 NIV). But
everywhere divorce continues unabated. I was in the High Court of Lagos
yesterday. It was an unusually long session. The court room was full so I had to wait outside the court room. The Honourable
judge painstakingly went through the list with two Senior Advocates of Nigeria
coming in at variouse times to call their cases out of course and out of turn.
My only solace was the comportment and the gentleness of the presiding judge, Justice Williams Daudu.
Otherwise every thing including the only business of the day was a source of
heartbreak. We had the whole yesterday conducting divorce proceedings. It was a
pathetic sight. But this is a reality. It happens every day. So what does God
say about divorce?
God clearly
says in Mark 10:7-9
For this course shall a man leave his father and
mother and cleave to his wife and they twain shall be one flesh so then they
are no more twain but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let
not man put asunder
Divorce which is the dissolution of a marriage
therefore, is wrong on the face of it. The General rule therefore is that one
should not procure or be involved in divorce. There are various reasons why we
should avoid it if really we want to be in God’s good book
·
It is an affront against God. God says that the That He by His authority has made the husband and wife one. (Mal 2:15). Thus He says let no one put asunder—not
even the parties to the marriage (ibid, Mark 10:9). What an insult for any man
to try to overrule God’s pronouncement!
·
It defeat God’s Orriginal plan. God never planned divorce with the original plan. It
was totally out of it. Thus Jesus Christ says that “from the beginning it was
not so”(Matt 19:8). The plan was that a man would leave his parents and be
cleaved to his wife and the two of them shall become one for from the very
beginning, He made them male and female. No one was to lack her mate. So
divorce runs counter to God’s orriginal plans
·
It interrupts God’s plans for the next generation. Marriage is not only physical. There is a spiritual
undertone for the next generation. To reach that spiritual and moral plan, God
intend children to be born into a complete home of a father and mother. (Mal
2:15). The massive breach of this provision of the Lord evidently accounts for
the prevalence of so many deviant youths today. Trace their history; most times
they are from broken homes. Children with both godly parents in marital bliss
hardly go astray--at least not for too long.
·
The very nature and construction of the marriage
phenomenon makes divorce totally out of place. This may become clear to us if what it really means
to be one and how God makes them one is understood.
o
In
the beginning, when God made man, He made him in His image and he made them
Male and female and called them Adam—not Adam and Eve for Eve had no separate
expression or manifestation than Adam. The male and the female were in Adam
(Gen 5:2). This is not to say that Adam was hermaphrodite. The Scriptures did
not tell us that and we are not permitted to infer that. However, it is clear
that he had the image of God. However, the need for help in the fulfillment of
His God given assignment which include procreation made God to bring the female
element bound in him out. The only help mete or suitable was that which was
gotten from him. Notice that God did not name Eve. Adam did. Adam alone was
Adam but when Eve came, God still saw them as one Man.
o
It is
only for the earthly purpose that they are allowed to manifest as physically
two. The King James Version of the Scriptures refer to the born again child of
God as a son irrespective of gender. Jesus made us kings not kings and queens.
Before God there is no gender difference (Gal 3:28, 1Pet 3:7 The Message Version).
Now for the earthly purpose of procreation, God expounded his physical
manifestation. Though the X and Y chromosome is in the Man, He allowed the X to
multiply into an entity. And in fulfillment of the idea of God, He made a way
by which this entity can regain his wholeness so as to form the next
generation.
o
It
must be noted that God says they become one flesh not one spirit. Marriage does
not make us one in the spirit. It is the rebirth into Christ that joins us together
with Jesus and other brethren (1Cor 6:17, Eph 2:12-16). That is why God does
not expect you to get married to an unbeliever.
o
The
bond that unifies a woman and a man in the flesh is sex—whether in or outside
marriage (1Cor 6:16). This is why we must take a seriouse stance at sex. It is
more than just that 5 minutes moment of extacy. Great covenants are being
established and a lot of metaphysical vibrations are released. One of the
greatest spiritual phenomenon is what is involved in sex. The twain become one
then and woe betide the person no matter how annointed that becomes one with an
agent of darkness and outside the institution of marriage. He immediately enters into the net of
the fowler and his soul is reduced to a piece of bread (Prov ).
However,
the sex in marriage has God’s approval. That is what God has joined
together. The other one is what man or satan has joined together and should be
broken immediately by the authority of Jesus’ Name.So sex
is the means by which the remaining part of the tripartite being called man is
fully united. The unity starts from the unity of the regenerated spirit in the
oneness in Christ. Next, they are unified in the mind and purpose to fulfill
God’s purpose for their lives together. Hence they become one in the soul.
Lastly, if they get the approval of God in the institution called marriage,
they legally are made one by sex to fulfill the procreation decree. This is how
God intends to raise godly childrend and pure continuouse generation of
children who will grow up to accept Christ easily and be effective arrows in
the quiver of God and their earthly parents. So simply saying “I am no longer
interested in this man does not erase all these spiritual phenomena. It does
not undo the bond made through sex—especially as God’s decree seals it up. This is the reason why God says that even if
you purport to divorce, remarrying someone else is adultery. It goes to show that in the spiritual
and eternal perspective, you are still one with the person you initially got married and the other man or woman you now
cohabit with is not your husband or wife as the case may. Sexual relationship with the later is adultery against the former.
Now the rule of non sepreation is not absolute. The
God who set the rule also set the exception to the rule. The said exception
include
·
Death
(Rom 7:1-2 1Tim 5:11-14)when a party to the marriage
covenant dies, the other is free from the law of marriage and the law of the
partner. Hence, it is the first exception to the rule of non separation of the
marriage couples. I believe that the legal provision for divorce on the ground
of presumption of death rest on this
provision. It only appeals to reason that if it is reasonably presumable that
the other partner is dead, then the one is free from it. This presumption is
raised if a partner to the marriage is not seen or heard from for about 7
years (Section 15 (2)(h) and section 16 (2) of the Nigerian Matrrimonial Causes Act 1970). I believe that if the partner who procured the divorce by the reasonable
presumption of death has not gotten married and the supposedly dead partner reappears,
they should simply continue from where they stopped.
·
Religious
Grounds: (Rom 7:12-17) in instances where a spouse
is an unbeliever, and because of your belief, he or she does not want to
continue with the marriage, then the believer is freed from such a union and
therefore can divorce and be remarried. I believe, That our beloved Apostle
Paul gave this wise counsel as one that has the mind of Christ though he was
not reiterating what Christ said since Christ did not discuss this. However,
the wisdom in this provision is corroborated by the principle of interpretation
of legal provision which states that where a an inferior provision is
inconsistent with a superior one, the inferior shall to the extent of its
inconsistency be void. The law of marriage is definitely inferior to the law of
the spirit and life which binds us to Jesus. If the law of marriage then wants to make
us violate the law of the spirit which binds us
to Christ, then the law of marriage must give way. Afterall, the
physical marriage to a man ends in this dispensation. However, our marriage to
the Lamb is forever.
·
The
notorious Ground of Adultery: This is the one that
Jesus Christ discussed in the gospels. From perousing the gospels, it is clear
that Jesus gave anwers to two classes of people—the general populace and his
disciples.
o To the general populace: Jesus
allows them to divorce their wives if on the sole ground of adultery (Matt
19:9). This is also one of the main grounds for poving obtaining divorce in the circular courts (Section 15 Matrimonial Causes Act)
o To His Disciples (Mark
10:10-12)— The church of Christ has a different
standard. Jesus simply rules out divorce evidently for obvious reasons. Jesus
did not expect that his disciples would be fornicators and adulterers hence the
ground for divorce should not arise in the first place. These things are
forbidden and should not as much as be mentioned among us (Eph 5:3). But you
know too well that it happens. So when it happens what is the position?
§ Firstly the act of adultery gives the other spouse the right to a divorce for the following
reasons
·
Sexual sin is a sin against
the body (1Cor 6:18). And remember that your body is not just yours when you
are married. It is also for your spouse for you are now one flesh. Thus the
said sexual sin is a sin against your spouse
·
It makes another union with
another flesh. This new agreement your spouse definitely does not consent to
and as such has a right to renege from it.
·
It damns the soul and as such
makes the sinner unrighteous and devoid of the life of Christ. Such a person
needs to be born again again. (This is a hard saying, the explanation of which
is reserved for some other time. That does not stop me from explaining it
personally to persons that ask). If in that state, the sinner could get
reprobate if his soul is not redeemed either by his own repentance and seeking
the Lord with confidence in the Name of Jesus or with someone praying for life
for his soul which will translate into repentance in the heart of such one and
make him seek God for reconsecration. If however, he is reprobate, he could
stand against the devotion of his spouse and make the continuance of that
marriage subject to his spouse becoming like him. At that point, divorce would
not be out of place.
Now,
if the act of adultery gives makes the right to divorce to accrue, the question
is should you exercise the right as a child of God? The clear answer is NO for
the following reasons
·
If the erring party repents
and asks for your forgiveness, then you are duty bound to forgive. Not only
because he or she asked but because you have a debt to always forgive because
of the forgiveness that God gave you. Furthermore, if you wish that God should
look upon you with mercy and overlook your shortcomings, forgiving others is a
duty. Mark 11:26; Mat 5:23-24, 6:14-15). Therefore, as a child of God,
forgiveness is not an option it is a command. It is a duty. You owe it not only
to your spouse but to God and to yourself. You will be setting a deadly trap
for yourself when you do not forgive becaue, you have just told God that you
are sure you will not make any other mistake before Him and as such do not need
any further forgiveness. If you are sure of that, you may safely keep the wrong
of your spouse and refuse to forgive. But woe betide you the next time you feel
like asking God to forgive you. Be sure you will not get it for you did not
forgive. If you want God to forgive you, again I repeat, forgiveness is not an
option. It is a must.
·
When any one repents, God
forgives him and sees him as though he never sinned. That is how we are to see
our repentant spouses and not to keep records of wrong (2Cor 5:15-18). In verse
16, it says, “we have stopped evaluating others from human point of view (NLT).
So see the repentant spouse as a new creature and drop the idea of divorce.
·
If however, you talked to him
and the person refuses to repent and is now reprobate, Jesus shows how to go
about it in Matt 18:15-18. He says that
you are to try to restore him. If he refuses, the now can now call a mature
believer not simply to restore your husband or wife but to restore the child of
God back to faith. If the spouse is still reprobate, then call the church. If
after this the spouse is bent on the way of death, then Jesus says to treat him
as an unbeliever. Now what does that mean? Many have thought that it means that
you can now get rid of such person. No. how do you treat an unbeliever? We are
supposed to travail for such person till Christ be formed in him or her (Gal
4:19, 1 John 5:16). The Message bible renders Matt 18:16-17 thus:
If
he still won’t listen, tell the church. If he won’t listen to the church,
you’ll have to start over from the scratch, confront him with the need for repentance
and offer again God’s forgiving love.
The
right to remarry
The right to divorce goes with the
right to remarry. Thus when the marriage is truly dissolved on the grounds set
by God which include instances of death of partner and religiouse intolerance,
the other party is at liberty to remarry if he or she so desires. The said
party may remain single only if he or she can control his or her passion. If
however, one procures divorce outside these conditions, such a person is to
remain unmarried otherwise be remarried to the former spouse for God still sees
them as one. Other such grounds for which a man may procure divorce include
grounds on which our secular courts grant divorce include inordinate behavior,
cruelty, refusal to consummate the marriage desertation of spouse for a given
period of time, behavior which spouse cannot reasonably be expected to put up
with, etc. these may grant divorce in the secular court but with God, you are
only separated not divorced. While that separation may be condoned by God, He
will not allow you to remarry.
The
above is my humble submission. I do not claim to be perfect in my
interpretation of scriptural provisions on these. I therefore will welcome
contribution, further explanations, questions and constructive criticism.
Brethren,
let us pray for our marriages whether we are married now or yet to be married.
God hates divorce and so should we.
Beloved,
Thanks for reading. Please make sure you check back Next Friday when new posts will be out.
Till then, Stay connected to God
Pst
Sam
